May. 21st, 2012 01:08 am
kinra: (Default)
So let's get this out of my system.

Life is not fair.

It falls to us not to give up when it's conspicuously unfair to the people around us.

I'm thinking of the fact that I'm wearing my soldier t-shirt not for its facile answers to problems (shoot it more!) but because it stands for a powerless person facing hopeless odds.

Not giving up, though.

I hope everything's okay for my friends. But I will do everything I can to make it okay.
kinra: (Default)
So, the dream consisted of somehow being Nicolas Cage in Lord of War and trying to procure an F-16 that could transform into a Harriet jet. (To impress some girls, I think. Though they were no longer interested in the jet at that point, but the objective had become more important than its business driver.) Somehow I knew how to fly it, though my co-pilot was Tom Skerritt.

I had figured that was pretty weird, so I decided to dreamblog it. I started to type, and then woke up, because I had been dream-blogging within another dream.

The usual

Dec. 15th, 2010 10:29 am
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The dream is always the same.

I go to my old Hebrew school to check out a choir practice. It was typically labyrinthine - you couldn't find anything; ramps led everywhere. (Perhaps influenced by the synagogue website I'd visited earlier.)

I was early for rehearsal so I dropped in at a service, filled with disapproving faces and Big Donors, of which I wasn't.

Wandering out I wound up in my meeting, which as it turned out wasn't for a choir but to recruit me into the FBI. I was honored, or kept saying so. They were very glad to have me, or kept saying so.

The senior agents and I walked part of the way home. When I got to my apartment building I ran into a friend of mine who lives in Shanghai. Apparently he lived at my building, though, because geography makes no sense in dreams. We accidentally got off at the 8th floor, and not the third, where I lived in the dream. The 8th was in a much nicer style: burnished mahogany walls instead of layers of paint over plaster and iron. This is because the 4th floor and up were the "additions" to the building.

I took the elevator back down to 4th. It opened onto a dance floor--or maybe ballroom--half-filled with Funky Twentysomethings, like something in the club district, but with huge glass pyramid-domed ceilings which let us look out at the other downtown buildings in the complex, of which, in my dream, my apartment building constituted a part.

It was getting later in the night and people were leaving the floor. The MC was trying
to get people out for one more dance.

Don't remember when I woke up or if I made it back to my apartment or not.

So, you know, the usual.


Dec. 9th, 2010 09:37 pm
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First gig for Countermeasure A Cappella. South somethingorother mall, Mississauga. A qualified success. Nobody will accuse of of fastidious overrehearsal, but we started to find our groove and eventually made it through our three setlets.

No real progress today, otherwise.

Tomorrow's the concert proper. JCC at Bloor and Spadina at 8pm. Get there early if you want a seat.

I'm drinking some sort of fun cocktail, here. It's like, rum, vodka, lime, cranberry in some giant glass. It's a double.

I'm trying to numb something. Some dull itch in my consciousness. Names and faces that lurk at the edges of awareness.

Leg it

Dec. 8th, 2010 07:22 pm
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Enroute to another choir rehearsal, the Tron: Legacy soundtrack is my traveling music. With Flynn's opening monologue, the whole thing has me thinking in a very zoomed-out way about thinks. A little solipsistic, which maybe isn't that bad a thing, though (you know the solipsism joke).

It's very much a Movie Score, despite its pedigree, with echoes of Copeland and Tom Tykwer's score for "Run Lola Run".

I'm sure that it's intentionally coding-friendly music.


Apr. 4th, 2010 08:57 pm
kinra: (ilan in motion)
Also the LiveJournal iPhone app seems to be in Russian-style broken English now. Having just read "Fatal System Error" this makes me a touch, well, circumspect.

That's not a very good reason, but also bleh. Tumblr, how your gravity pulls me...


Apr. 4th, 2010 08:54 pm
kinra: (ilan in motion)
Two very vivid recurring nightmares:

- attending the weddings of ex-girlfriends
- friends and/or pets dwindling away into nothing

Both of these things waved hello to me today.

On 30 Rock this week, someone asked "is this a dream?" Tracey stuck his finger in his mouth and said "nope, my teeth are loose."

Lol @ the shared nightmare experience.
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Here I am having made it to Boston, and here is Serge, reminding me that he has move away from gorgeous Vancouver because of the gruesome economic situation.

Miscommunication got us a bit snarled. I have ditched my friends so I can sit and chill in a conference theatre and watch the PA guys talk about their web tv show. Really touching, actually.

It has gotten better today. Yesterday was a bit rough. Still sick like crazy, but got some cool bits and pieces and well, I guess we'll see what's up.

So drained.

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I was treated to Customer Loyalty Rewarding at Indigo Eaton today. To a greater tune than anticipated, and I feel bad. I feel as though I've taken advantage of the customer retention policies of an already strapped store.

I was picking up Hyperion, Fall thereof, and The Dosadi Experiment. They comped me Fall of Hyperion but the actual deal was supposed to be buy-3-get-4.

I want to go back and feel bad, but what's done is done at this point. What would I, or they, even say?


Mar. 11th, 2010 10:30 pm
kinra: (Default)

If you don't look forward to seeing me, let me know. I don't want to waste your time either.


Mar. 11th, 2010 02:02 am
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I need to learn the following phrase: "I don't look forward to seeing you. I do not want to be your friend anymore."

I will never mean it that starkly, but if I never learn to say it, I'll wind up just like this again. And that's twice now.

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Except for Jim Broadbent, who is a perpetual genius, all of the acting and everything else in Harry Potter Six is pretty bad. And where the hell is Snape and his memories? And his diarying? It's barely about said prince at all!


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Remember the strong bad clip where he figures his imagination's broke 'cause the best thing he can imagine is "beef... stew"?

My meal at M+B Yummy tonight reveals that he was not so much unimaginative as he was prescient; connected, in a Childhood's End kind of way, to a future that had not yet been clear to him.

I ate the special tonight, a vegan beef and pumpkin tibs-stew, along with vegan lasagna and salad, accompanied by the habitual sublime injera.

It also came with a cupcake.

It transported me out of my day, out of my body. It made me realize that food can, indeed, make one truly happy and that one should not accept less from their meals. It opened my eyes and my heart for a time, and lifted me into a state of contented celebration of who I was, what I was eating, and how I was able to experience it.

It was ridiculously delicious.

I am very happy.

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[ profile] andmiss was at a party today, so I will try Vegan Kasher L'Pesach Tapioca Onion Rings tomorrow.

Tonight, Danny, Euge, [ profile] chryx, [ profile] zurn and I had a badass couple of games of fun things I like. Cosmic Encounter, five players, the whole game didn't go three turns but still ran two hours because it was just massive, constant space carnage. Good game to be the Healer: I had about half the deck in my hand by the end, and just kept on making friends!

After dinner, and a browse through Danny's mother's Haggadot from 1813 Bordeaux, 1695 Amsterdam, and circa 1300 Cordoba (reproductions, but still awesome) we got down to business: a game of Epic Commands and Colors Ancients, to the tune of the battle of Cannae.

Euge ([ profile] malefax) and Danny were Hannibal and his gang. [ profile] chryx and I had the pleasure of representing Varro (who went down like a chump in the first exchange of the battle). Historically, Hannibal's Carthaginians took advantage of Varro's aggressive centre advance, and outflanked the Romans on both sides, resulting in the epic "double encirclement" which would later inspire Schlieffen to conceive of his audacious plan that became the Western front of World War One.

Rob and I, like Gallieni, had the benefit of history's lessons. We had to avoid chasing the obvious trap in the middle, and look out for Hannibal's horrible horses on the flanks.

First order of business: form the line. We got the heavy infantry as far forward as we could, and flattened the line into a wall of pointy speary doom.

It was okay! We didn't rewrite history, but we didn't overextend, and we made 'em earn every hit they scored.

Good times.

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I don't have to like postmodernism or faith in order to defend them from derision from bullying assholes, even if I like the aforementioned bullies far more than the ideas of faith and postmodernism.

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Space-hulk-like game.

Set in a mountain.

Dwarfs vs Goblins, possibly with serial numbers filed off (deep men vs grey men), possibly a title ("Deep Grey").

D: heavy armour, heavy axes, crossbows, drills
G: fast, numerous, loaded with knives, have earth magic

Objectives: Drill holes in the mountain! Fight for gold and precious stones! Also basically it is space hulk!

Backstory: they lived in peace and colonized the mountain together. But the dwarfs wanted to tech up and drill - became the deep men, the goblins communed with the mountain spirit and became the grey men. The build underground cities. They don't get along. Board games ensue!


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The Sam The Record Man building is sort of sad and forlorn without the big sign/facade. Just looks like a regular old building.

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I feel very ashamed of how I've been posting to livejournal these days. In the sense that I haven't really been actively posting at all, but rather letting LoudTwitter waste everyone's time rebroadcasting my dumb responses to people's inconsequential questions, and occasionally bitching about my day.

So here's a continuous post, paragraphs and all, to update on how I feel and what I'm up to. Which is basically that epitaph thing; twelve-hour days at the office, a couple of musical commitments, every once in a while some food or a boardgame. I've enjoyed some TV - Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job, and Rome, and watching my complete Britcom boxes sets (if very gradually). Haven't flown lately. Have been trying to connect a few logistical dots first.

To Montreal this weekend, briefly bringing brother back. Concert tomorrow - - then [ profile] pipesdreams' birthday - then I get outta town.

Reading "Guns of August" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" in case I become king.

And yet. )

kinra: (Default)

They knocked me out for hours. I was able but nervous about speaking french. I was at game stores that were increasingly specialized and decrepit. My friends were around but they kept ignoring me.

The insecurities I pile onto myself late at night are astounding and grotesque in their scope.

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Trying out the livejournal iPhone app, so you PEOPLE can get big, revelatory posts rather than fragmented, nucleic tweets. I hope you're all happy.

And yes, once again they'll all be bitter, twisted and cryptic.

Am I not merciful? Are you not entertained?

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